Wednesday, October 29

10 Lessons I've Recently Learnt In Love. ♡


It's been a few months since I broke up with my ex, and I finally wanted to share (and remind myself) of the important lessons I learnt. Sit tightly, and put yourself in the shoes of a 20 year old girl whose most recent mistake in love is wearing her heart on her sleeve...for the wrong person.

I met him on Tinder, as you do. He was everything I was looking for; smart, charming, good looking and our conversations always flowed. I instantly liked him but most importantly, he felt way too good to be true. Surely I hadn't discovered an ACTUAL gentleman on a dating app like Tinder? We had similar likes and dislikes, and I was brave enough to share that I made videos on YouTube. The day he watched them, he phoned me for the first time and said "it's only fair that if I got to hear your voice today, you should get to hear mine." Kinda cute. I guess.

One ♡ Long Distance Will Make Or Break You.
I've heard of so many stories of people falling in love and living far apart, but knew if it's meant to be, no distance will be an issue. Although this guy went to University near me, it was June and he was working in London, living in Surrey and not due to return to Bournemouth until the end of September. We therefore had two hours between us. At first, I looked at all the positives to this; when we did spend time together we actually looked forward it, and when we were apart, we got the opportunity to actually miss each other too. Flip side? The driving was long and hard, the time we had together ran out way too quickly and I spent my life working around him. Lesson one, relationships aren't meant to be too difficult...if you can't find ways to meet in the middle to make it work, it's obviously not meant to be, no matter how hard you try.

Two ♡ Don't Revolve Life Around Him.
Naturally, I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but I didn't see The Line. You know, the one you cross when you start revolving your life completely around him? I'd purposefully not make plans with other people, in case he mentioned about seeing each other (tragic), and I would sit and mentally work out when I was finishing work, how long it would take me to drive, and if I could get there in time for when his train got to the station. Cute, but TOO FAR. Lesson two, make him a priority but not always number one. I was so blinded and living on a cloud nine love bubble, that I didn't realise what I was doing to my own life and it wasn't healthy.

Three ♡ Take Things Slower.
He asked me to be his girlfriend and we said those three words pretty quickly. If I told you how quick, you'd really judge me (even I judge me). Why did I feel like these things were so important so quickly? Lesson three, take things more slowly and enjoy them as and when they happen naturally. Changing your relationship status on Facebook before most of your friends have even met him, whilst they ask "Who is he?" = too quick. Going on holiday after only being together for four weeks = also too quick...although to be fair, I didn't think so at the time. In my head, a whole week with him was perfect. What was I thinking?!?

Four  You're MORE Than Good Enough.
This is probably the most important lesson I took away from our relationship. Why, when he was always complimenting me and telling me I was his 'dream girl', did I not feel good enough? I still ask myself this question to this day, because I genuinely don't know why. I never have in previous relationships and it drove me insane. I was so insecure. He never did or said anything specifically but I felt like he needed someone who was thinner, smarter and had more friends. I then tried to change for him (*SCREAMS* NOOO!)  but lesson four, never ever be with someone if you don't feel good enough for them.

Five ♡ Never Change, EVER.
I wasn't interested in changing him, because I'd learnt from a previous relationship that you definitely can't change a person into someone they're not. However, I hit a low point of realisation that I was in fact trying to change myself when I packed my running trainers and gym clothes into my suitcase for our summer holiday to Lanzarote. I hate exercise, I hate the gym and I certainly wouldn't suddenly like it on our relaxing beach break. Just one example of me trying to change, for him. I would also say yes to plans with friends that I didn't really want to see. I was happy with the friends I saw before him, so why did I feel like I suddenly needed more friends now I had him? I never want to feel like I'm not worthy enough again. Lesson five, you are perfect just the way you are, and you don't need to change for a man, EVER. 

Six ♡ No Trust, No Point.
During our beautiful holiday abroad, I did the lowest girlfriend move ever and decided to check his phone whilst he was diving out at sea, oh dear. I didn't think I'd EVER be that kind of girl, but I obviously didn't trust him and I needed some peace of mind. He never wanted to talk about ex's and was on his phone A LOT. I was right to have doubts, because I found conversations of blatant lying and flirting with other girls, whilst we were on holiday together. I didn't want to ruin our break, and admitted and apologised when we returned. Lesson six, if you can't trust him and you can't rebuild that trust, then there is literally no point. It will never be the same and will eat you up all day, every day.

Seven ♡ 
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
He seriously knew all the right things to say. His text messages and words were beautiful and when he screwed up, he promised he'd be the 'man I deserve' and would 'make it up to me'. Did he mean that? and did he REALLY make it up to me? Of course he didn't. He was so good at telling me things I wanted to hear, but lesson number seven, actions speak much louder than words. It doesn't take much either, small gestures like surprising that person, spontaneous calling to see how they are, or sending some flowers just shows that you still care or that you're sorry.

Eight ♡ 
If He Loves You, He'll Prove It.
I think this leads nicely from lesson seven, but I really had to keep reminding myself that lesson eight, if he loved and cared about me as much as he said he did, he'd prove it. At the end of the day, he'd come knocking on my door or call to see how I am. I knew I wasn't worth the fight to him. Maybe he was just too proud but I honestly felt like too much effort. When you love someone, you'll do everything in your power to be with them. Simple.


Nine ♡ 
If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be.
This lesson pretty much speaks for itself. It was actually me who ended our short, emotional, roller coaster of a relationship. I explained how I was feeling and he didn't respond in the way I'd hoped. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, people come into your life to teach you lessons and if it's meant to be, it'll be. Finding closure and learning to let go after he'd broken my heart was really hard, but it was all for the right reasons.

Ten ♡ You'll Love Again & It'll Be Amazing.
It's okay to accept that it didn't work and you weren't right for each other, as much as you believed you were. I'm almost looking forward to the day I'll meet someone new again. For now, I'm happier, finally lost that weight, focussing on my career and spending quality time with friends. All these lessons are super important and help you realise what you want in your next relationship. Nothing was ever a waste of time and therefore lesson ten, you'll love again!


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24 comments

  1. I loved this post. I was in a relationship for 6 years which ended badly and am now with someone who I've been with for 4 years and I am a much better person. From what I've read it'll be good to take some time and focus on yourself. You're young, enjoy yourself. You're beautiful, smart and such a lovely person that I think when the right guy comes along, he'll snatch you quicker than you can say 'hi' ;) xxx

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    1. Aww Alison, this comment put such a massive smile on my face! I'm so pleased you're in a happier and much better place with someone else, I only hope the same happens for me :) You are so lovely, thank you! xxx

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  2. Great post, think it is definately important to take things slowly and always put youself first. It is so easy to settle but if there are doubts, you shouldn't be with him.

    Bethan Likes

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    1. Definitely Bethan, it's very easy to lose yourself sometimes xx

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  3. I absolutely loved reading this. Relationships are hard and I think so many people can related to each point you made whether it's all of them or just a few. You're a beautiful person Brogan and you deserve someone who will give you the moon. Alice xx

    Alice Anne | Annie Writes Beauty

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    1. Thank you Alice! I'd like to hope that some points are relatable to some people. I almost needed a reality check sometimes and even feel better for finally writing this all down. You are such a sweetheart, thank you so much!! *blows kiss* xxx

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  4. This was amazing Brogan, been through the exact same last year so i felt every word! Keep smiling, you're doing fab xxx

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    1. Thank you Demi, so glad you found it relatable :) Keep smiling too chick! xx

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  5. Not gonna lie, this gave me a wee tear or two! Loved every word!! Brilliant !! :-) xx

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    1. N'aw Laura! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :D xx

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  6. Aw Brogan i'm so sorry and sorry you had to find out the way you did by checking his phone but i wouldn't feel daft in doing it as most of us have me incided but your gut was right so don't feel silly about it hun.
    He obviously wasn't right and you loved him way more than he loved you which is sad,but also some couples last and some don't,i had a number of boyfriends plus the number of dreaded one night stands b4 i met Jamie,i was 22 when we met and we have now been togther 13 years and have 2 kids,not married as yet but that day will come,over the years though hun i was the same as you when we first met i didn't think i was good enough i put myself down saying "you might aswel just go and find somebody pretty and thin as you could easy get somebody so much prettier than me" etc etc and he actually said he turned him off as he hated the way i put myself down as in his eyes i was beautiful,i see that now i'm older but didn't at the time,i used to be extreamly jealous although not anymore,i used to freak at him if he looked at other women but now i don't even notice....i think you can change somebody,not like their personality but change and mould them into how and what you expect,as when i first met Jamie he used to read the star newspaper full of Naked women :( it made me feel very jealous and uncomfotable but after i told him he stopped reading it,i did feel a bit bad but then did i really want him reading that trash nope lol he is also more loving now too,so not change them but tell them from the off if there is something that pisses you off.ahh hunny i think your beautiful inside and out,a really nice girl,just don't let the next one hurt you,put your foot firmly down and you call the shots,keep him on his toes and not the other way around,i think soon enough you will deffo find mr right and i wish you all the luck in the world sweetheart xx♥xx love vinny ,,,oh and also fab blog as i bet it's helped loads of young girls so good on you for being so open ♥

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  7. Not involving your life around someone is so important, and I have seen so many do it. I am a huge believer it what will be, will be. Glad I'm in good company!

    Annabel ♥
    Mascara & Maltesers

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  8. Oh Brogan, I can relate to this post way too much. Much like a lot of other girls will.
    I learnt a lot after my previous relationship failed. It was only after we split up that I realised how miserable he made me. After that moment I promised myself that I would never let anyone try to turn me into something I'm not. I'm now with someone who makes me feel special, we make eachother happy yet still have our own lives which is really important.
    Sometimes bad things have to happen for us to see what's real!

    Tamsyn-Elizabeth
    Peach Pow XO

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    1. I'm so pleased you're in a better place my lovely, I hope I can have a similar relationship soon too :) xx

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  9. Really liked this post Brogan and could see you’ve put a lot of effort into writing it. I’m so pleased you’ve learnt from the past and seem to be in a much happier place now :)

    Christie x

    www.christieslifestyle.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much Christie, I am indeed :D xx

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  10. Such a honest and inspiring post. We've all been in these types of relationships and I do think we come out the bigger and better person. Keep smiling :)

    Natalie xo

    Petal Poppet Blogs ♥

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  11. Fantastic post, I love your blog brogan - it's refreshing to read a blog that doesn't feel like every post is sponsored or is biast towards brands
    Also you are looking super hot and confident in your YouTube vids, seems like the single life is suiting you atm :-) I hope you find someone worthwhile soon xxx

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    1. Thank you so much! I try to keep my blog with a healthy balance :) I'm really enjoying single life, thank you! :D xx

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  12. This is an amazing post! I'm in a long distance relationship myself and know how hard it can be to make it work. Sorry it didn't work out for you hun xx

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    1. Thanks lovely! It's okay, I'm not sad anymore but I hope yours works out for you :) xx

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