It's been a few months since I broke up with my ex, and I finally wanted to share (and remind myself) of the important lessons I learnt. Sit tightly, and put yourself in the shoes of a 20 year old girl whose most recent mistake in love is wearing her heart on her sleeve...for the wrong person.
I met him on Tinder, as you do. He was everything I was looking for; smart, charming, good looking and our conversations always flowed. I instantly liked him but most importantly, he felt way too good to be true. Surely I hadn't discovered an ACTUAL gentleman on a dating app like Tinder? We had similar likes and dislikes, and I was brave enough to share that I made videos on YouTube. The day he watched them, he phoned me for the first time and said "it's only fair that if I got to hear your voice today, you should get to hear mine." Kinda cute. I guess.
One ♡ Long Distance Will Make Or Break You.
I've heard of so many stories of people falling in love and living far apart, but knew if it's meant to be, no distance will be an issue. Although this guy went to University near me, it was June and he was working in London, living in Surrey and not due to return to Bournemouth until the end of September. We therefore had two hours between us. At first, I looked at all the positives to this; when we did spend time together we actually looked forward it, and when we were apart, we got the opportunity to actually miss each other too. Flip side? The driving was long and hard, the time we had together ran out way too quickly and I spent my life working around him. Lesson one, relationships aren't meant to be too difficult...if you can't find ways to meet in the middle to make it work, it's obviously not meant to be, no matter how hard you try.
Two ♡ Don't Revolve Life Around Him.
Naturally, I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, but I didn't see The Line. You know, the one you cross when you start revolving your life completely around him? I'd purposefully not make plans with other people, in case he mentioned about seeing each other (tragic), and I would sit and mentally work out when I was finishing work, how long it would take me to drive, and if I could get there in time for when his train got to the station. Cute, but TOO FAR. Lesson two, make him a priority but not always number one. I was so blinded and living on a cloud nine love bubble, that I didn't realise what I was doing to my own life and it wasn't healthy.
Three ♡ Take Things Slower.
Four ♡ You're MORE Than Good Enough.
This is probably the most important lesson I took away from our relationship. Why, when he was always complimenting me and telling me I was his 'dream girl', did I not feel good enough? I still ask myself this question to this day, because I genuinely don't know why. I never have in previous relationships and it drove me insane. I was so insecure. He never did or said anything specifically but I felt like he needed someone who was thinner, smarter and had more friends. I then tried to change for him (*SCREAMS* NOOO!) but lesson four, never ever be with someone if you don't feel good enough for them.
Five ♡ Never Change, EVER.
I wasn't interested in changing him, because I'd learnt from a previous relationship that you definitely can't change a person into someone they're not. However, I hit a low point of realisation that I was in fact trying to change myself when I packed my running trainers and gym clothes into my suitcase for our summer holiday to Lanzarote. I hate exercise, I hate the gym and I certainly wouldn't suddenly like it on our relaxing beach break. Just one example of me trying to change, for him. I would also say yes to plans with friends that I didn't really want to see. I was happy with the friends I saw before him, so why did I feel like I suddenly needed more friends now I had him? I never want to feel like I'm not worthy enough again. Lesson five, you are perfect just the way you are, and you don't need to change for a man, EVER.
Six ♡ No Trust, No Point.
Seven ♡ Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
He seriously knew all the right things to say. His text messages and words were beautiful and when he screwed up, he promised he'd be the 'man I deserve' and would 'make it up to me'. Did he mean that? and did he REALLY make it up to me? Of course he didn't. He was so good at telling me things I wanted to hear, but lesson number seven, actions speak much louder than words. It doesn't take much either, small gestures like surprising that person, spontaneous calling to see how they are, or sending some flowers just shows that you still care or that you're sorry.
Eight ♡ If He Loves You, He'll Prove It.
I think this leads nicely from lesson seven, but I really had to keep reminding myself that lesson eight, if he loved and cared about me as much as he said he did, he'd prove it. At the end of the day, he'd come knocking on my door or call to see how I am. I knew I wasn't worth the fight to him. Maybe he was just too proud but I honestly felt like too much effort. When you love someone, you'll do everything in your power to be with them. Simple.
Nine ♡ If It's Meant To Be, It Will Be.
This lesson pretty much speaks for itself. It was actually me who ended our short, emotional, roller coaster of a relationship. I explained how I was feeling and he didn't respond in the way I'd hoped. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, people come into your life to teach you lessons and if it's meant to be, it'll be. Finding closure and learning to let go after he'd broken my heart was really hard, but it was all for the right reasons.
Ten ♡ You'll Love Again & It'll Be Amazing.
It's okay to accept that it didn't work and you weren't right for each other, as much as you believed you were. I'm almost looking forward to the day I'll meet someone new again. For now, I'm happier, finally lost that weight, focussing on my career and spending quality time with friends. All these lessons are super important and help you realise what you want in your next relationship. Nothing was ever a waste of time and therefore lesson ten, you'll love again!