Tuesday, August 27

Ending Vlogust


One month ago today, I wrote a blog post called 'Finding Me'. It was the hardest thing I've ever done since starting my blog, but also the most rewarding. I didn't appreciate how supportive my followers/readers were and decided it would be a great opportunity to continue the journey by documenting it on my YouTube channel. 'Vlogust' (essentially vlogging every single day in August), was meant to be fun. It was a chance for you to see and learn about the real me, and was a challenge I'd set myself. Instead, Vlogust ended up being the hardest thing I've ever done since starting YouTube, and was the least rewarding.

I knew that daily vlogging wouldn't be easy and I wasn't oblivious to this. I was almost excited about the challenge and even started thinking about a vlog channel and names. Two weeks into filming, I started receiving more and more 'negative' comments. I was criticised for my appearance, my diet, my exercise routine, my job, my business and even my boyfriend. Apparently, people thought they had a right to dictate how I live my life. I'm absolutely fine with people having an opinion, but I learnt that the line is extremely fine between constructive criticism to pure bullying and hate. 

I tried to take the comments on board as a chance to improve but honestly, they were so cruel that it was extremely difficult to want to get up and film again. I'm an honest person, so I couldn't lie about how I was feeling on camera and started to get myself upset. YouTube is a hobby for me, so when Vlogust ended up feeling like a third job, I knew I couldn't continue. It ended up draining me physically and mentally and I didn't appreciate how much effort and time I'd need. 

I'm currently reading Dynamo's autobiography 'Nothing Is Impossible' and I'm going to quote what he says as it summarises exactly what I'm trying to say.

"I've achieved a lot so far, but I haven't touched where I want to go. It's not easy - you will get knock-backs - but you have to take the criticism. You have to have good people around you. Listen to everyone's advise and take it in, although you don't always have to do what they say. But listening and making a considered judgement on what you hear is so important. I don't take criticism as personal attack. I know when someone's intentions are honest and when they're just being jealous. Even if it's delivered in a horrible way, I think it's still important to think through what someone has said rather than dismiss it straight away as someone 'hating'." 

What I'm trying to say is, the comments were the trigger point for me. Although 90% were positive and loyal subscribers absolutely loved the videos, I couldn't help but think the vlogs were boring. It wasn't the comments that made me stop though, I wouldn't let anyone stop me from doing something I loved. However, I really needed to take a step back and work out if vlogging was for me. I know it was only for 1 month, but what other YouTuber do you know that works a full time job, runs their own business, has a life AND films it, edits, and uploads every single day? Please enlighten me because I'd love to find out how they do it.

I think the hardest thing about Vlogust was that I was essentially filming a 'journey'. I wanted to change how I was feeling about myself and thought Vlogust would keep me motivated and focused. Unfortunately, it actually made me feel worse than I did before I even started. I'm now back to feeling negative, doubting myself and I've realised that I'd much rather continue my 'journey' on my own. I don't want to share my highs or lows anymore, I don't want people judging me and I certainly need to learn and make my own decisions.

Maybe daily vlogging just isn't for me. I honestly wish it was but the pressure got the better of me. People were expecting long exciting videos all the time,  and with the amount I already fit into my life, I currently just don't have time to make vlogs. I can however confirm that Vlogust hasn't put me off vlogging completely. Maybe in December when I've got two weeks off work I can try again for you, but in the meanwhile, I'm going to stick to my 'normal' videos and vlog when I've got something interesting on the odd occasion. 

I'm really sorry if you loved vlogust and are disappointed I finished early. My life is a crazy mess and I just can't commit to uploading on certain times/days. I don't want to forget why I love YouTube and like Dynamo said, this is just a knock-back. It'll only make me stronger and better, you just have to be patient with me. If I'm honest, I think I got caught up in thinking I could do everything all at once, but I'm only human and obviously I couldn't.

I'm genuinely gutted I didn't complete what I set out to do, but I must remain humble and true to myself. I don't regret Vlogust, it taught me a lot and I've even made some fabby friends doing it. Thank you so much for understanding and sticking by me while I figured this out. Lots of people forget that I am only 19, I'm making mistakes and learning along the way. 

I love you all for being amazing. I promise I'll be back asap. 


Ps. The top photograph is from my little Beach Hut that we've had 10 years. It's my favourite place in the whole world where I spent this last bank holiday weekend with my loved ones.
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24 comments

  1. Oh Brogan that's so crap that you got hate from it. Hope you're okay x

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  2. Awww I'm so sorry to hear you had to deal with that, people can be so horrible and rude :/ I know it's easier said than done, but try to just put it behind you and move on - they're more than likely jealous of you, or just very negative people that only see negatives and flaws, certainly not the kind of people we'd choose to spend time with out there in the real world.

    I think that if your heart isn't in it, you're right to stop and take a step back, but try not to let it put you off forever, just go back to it when you're in the mood :)

    *hugs*

    Georgina
    www.makeup-pixi3.com

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  3. To be Honest, I think you're really amazing. You have a full time job, run your own business, run a you tube channel AND run a beauty blog. You're 19. NINETEEN. I think that's flippin' ahh-mayy-zing! I think it's disgusting how people are telling you to live your life, your still a teenager of course your going to make mistakes, sometimes make the wrong decision, do things others may not like or disagree with, but who's perfect? nobody. You're an absolutely stunning woman, with your whole life ahead of you. You come onto you tube and your blog for a break and to enjoy something you love doing, not to get loads of abuse about you. If i was in your shoes, I would've done the exact same. You should never feel pressured to do anything. You're my role model because personally i think what you do is incredible. Just remember be brogan, do what brogan wants, and what brogan loves. because that's how everyone loves you. Xxx

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    Replies
    1. I can't add anything else, Sophie has said it perfectly!x

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    2. Agreed - Brogan, you did so well doing all that in 24 hours each day as it is! I really enjoyed watching them and I'm sad it's ended but can completely see why. We want you to enjoy putting them up and have time for you too!

      Until then, I'll look forward to your normal videos :)

      Paula ♥ | http://www.la-vida-fresa.com xo

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  4. Hi Brogan - I just wanted to say that you're so inspirational! I'm in a similar position to you as I work full time, I'm starting my own business, I've just started blogging plus I'm trying my hardest to loose weight which as you know takes up a lot of time!! I don't know how you find the hours in the day to do it all!

    You're honestly so good at what you do so please don't let the pressure and negative comments get to you. Take a step back from the internet until you're happy again - we all want you to be a happy Brogan!

    Keep smiling :)
    Emma xxx

    http://emmabellefashion.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. I'm so sad that you're stopping vlogust because your vlogs were one of my favourites, however I completely understand why. I hope that the rest of your journey is better, you accomplish all the things you want to and ultimately feel great again! Chin up :)xxx

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  6. It's crazy that people feel they can judge you after watching 10-20 minutes of your day. I am a huge fan of daily vlogs and watch a handful. I love the idea of vlogging but the amount of people that leave cruel comments is ridiculous.

    Maybe you could try recording bits from your week and post on a Sunday? That way you could edit as each day goes along.

    Gemma x

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  7. Hello Brogan, just wanted to say you seem to be such a lovely and wonderful girl and a total inspiration for me as I can look up to you and hope to grow up to be something like you in my future. I have to say I absolutely loved watching your vlogs and was super upset that you stopped filming- but it's totally your decision and your life so I completely respect and support your decision- have a great rest of August! :)
    Gabby xxx

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  8. Hi brogan, hope your ok and not feeling down about the negative comments. I have been bullied in the past by girls who once were my close friends. Now that im older i realise it stemmed from insecurity and jealously. Chin up girl i personally loved ur vlogs and enjoyed watching them everyday. For every horrible mean person there is a lovely one xoxoxox

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  9. Hey, I just wanted to say that I absolutely loved your vlogs and honestly really looked forward to them! I'm gutted you're not continuing Vlogust and can't believe people can be so rude and critical but completely understand your decision and hope things get better for you soon! :) Xx

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  10. Hi Brogan,
    Firstly, I'm sorry that people feel the need to waste their time,posting negative comments on something you've chosen to dedicate your time and effort to. No one should get hate because of that. If they don't like it, press pause and find something else to watch! Half of them probably won't even know where to start when it comes to making videos, so they shouldn't even think about judging someone based on what they see in a few minutes long video.
    Your finding me blog post was a great insight to your life and how you feel, and it honestly motivated me a bit more too! And for being judged on the way you look.. well, when I watch your videos I cannot see anything wrong with your appearance/diet/whatever other people point out to you. I'm honestly not telling you how to live your life but recently I have learnt to love myself the way I am that little bit more and it's honestly made me feel that little (maybe a lot even) bit better! If you can't fit a strict diet/exercise regime in, then don't! Focusing your energy into something positive like finding ways to love you more will make you feel a lot happier than focusing on something that sometimes seems just too much effort. If this 'happier you' is by having that exercise regime or diet, then do it, but not too much!
    Owning your own business at 19 is amazing! I hope that when I'm 19, I'll be as mature and level headed as you are, because then I'm sure I'll do well! Don't let anything get in the way of your own opportunities Brogan! If you need to take a break from a little aspect of your life then do it! Everyone knows, if something begins to feel like a chore, it's not going to be fun. CHORES AREN'T FUN! You're 19.. Spend this time having fun, finding what makes you happy, and creating a happier you!
    Lots of love,
    Chloe (agirlbehindalens)!
    X

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  11. Awww, Brogan you are such a lovely lady,very talented and so kind and polite, how anyone can say anything bad about you beats me, but lets face it there are (people) (I am being polite using that word) that think they know better,can do things better or are just plain jealous, they like to interfere in other peoples lives when 9 times out of 10 they cant even run there own lives.
    You are doing so well for a 19 year old I bet your Mum and family are so proud of you.
    Really hope when you come back you just block the baddies, you would still be left with thousands of people who love you as a person and dont try to tell you how to go on with your life but appreciate you for who you are. Love from Yvonne (FmViaVon) <3 xxxx

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  12. Hi Brogan!
    You are genuinely such an amazing person. You already do what I can only dream of doing. You own your on business, work full-time, do You-Tube and blog. How you juggle all that is beyond me. I just wanna say how sorry I am that you had some nasty comments left on your vlogs, I don't understand why anyone would want to write nasty things and tell a person how to live their life. I personally loved your vlogs and in no way were they boring. It was nice to see your days and what you got up too.I admire you and your a massive inspiration to me. You honestly seem like such an amazing and lovely person. I know you already know not to but please don't listen to the negativity. For 19 year old you have come so far and done so much. Keep up all the hard work, I'm looking forward to your next video. Maybe one day if I ever pluck up the courage to do it you can watch one of my videos :) sending you lots of love Laura xxx

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  14. Brogan, I'm really sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment. This post is so well written and you perfectly explained to everyone how you are feeling. Although I cannot deny, I wish you weren't feeling this way and hadn't feel you needed to write this post. I know it's easier said than done - but you have to compartmentalise the bad and concentrate on the positive. Negative comments are never nice, I should know - I have people negatively discussing me every day. But it gets easier, and in turn you will find it easier to brush negative comments off. I know exactly how you feel, as it's how I felt back at the beginning of the year.

    The most important thing for anyone, whether blogger or YouTuber, is to remember to put yourself first. And that's what you're doing! It's completely the right thing to do, and I hope you begin to feel better about everything soon.

    For what it counts, I really enjoyed your daily vlogs. Vlogs is something I take a while to get into; sometimes people's lives are such a World apart from mine that I simply cannot take them seriously. But your vlogs were always just a normal girl, from a normal place, doing normal things. That isn't boring - it's refreshing. It's refreshing to see an actual honest, down to earth person, just sharing snippets of their day. It's clear you work incredibly hard, and please be assured that those of us who don't spend our time trying to knock down others - we the majority - do enjoy your blog, your YouTube and your vlogs. There are people who appreciate the hard work that goes in to it, and at the same time, we all appreciate you needed to stop. And that's OK.

    If you ever need a chat, you know where I am. xo

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  15. Just found your Youtube channel a couple of days and and then your blog - I loved watching your videos. I feel saddened that some miserable bullies have made you want to stop vlogging (hope you continue, maybe not daily but at some point do some more videos) as I think you are a lovely person, and a breath of fresh air, so will be a sad loss to the vlogging community. It takes a lot of courage and guts, in my opinion, to put yourself out there, 'on air' as it was on a vlog and to do it daily is an amazing challenge and achievement and remember you are still so young (compared to an old hag like me, in their 40's lol). So you should be proud of your achievements and try and ignore the miserable bastards who seem to have nothing better to do than pee around trying to cause grief and aggro for other people. I guess they were just jealous as they would never in a million years have the courage and guts to do what you did, let alone the maturity. I feel sorry for them. Sorry this is a bit of a rant, but I get so fed up with the amount of bullying that goes on over the internet. Shame on them. Good luck with whatever you want to do in the future, but I know that you have loads of people backing you up on here and supporting you.

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  16. Hey Brogan,
    There is no need for you to apologise and feel negative about ending vlogust early, you have a very busy life and should be proud of how far you got! I loved being able to get to know you more as a person, you are such a lovely girl snd I hope you're feeling better about everything soon. People who watch videos only to rip people apart must lead very sad lives. Keep your chin up, and be proud of yourself! I wish I could achieve the amount that you have by 19! Take some time for yourself, blogging and youtubing is meant to be enjoyable! Don't let people pressure you into uploading or posting.

    Abi xx

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  17. I am 19 and have a full time job, i could never imagine doing all the extra things you do like running a business i would have no time to relax with family and enjoy my life. You are one hell of a tough woman to do all the things that you do and i admire you so much for that! xxx

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  18. Brogan...your amazing!
    And such an incredible inspiration for someone that is only 19, you have achieved so much, and your journey is not yet complete ! I honestly wish I could be as independent as you when I reach your age! xx

    http://iyananikita.blogspot.co.uk/

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  19. that's okay brogan, we all understand, we will miss vlogust, but obviously if it wasn't doing you good, you had to stop, love you hun! x

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  20. Brogan I'm so sorry you have to deal with shitty people. I hate reading youtube comments as there is always a number of people judging and being spiteful for the sake of it. We all have different likes and should respect each others choices. For the record I didn't find your vlogs boring and really enjoyed them :) I hope you feel better soon- perhaps just vlog ad hoc, broganvloghocs!? Xxxx

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  21. Please don't put yourself under a lot of pressure to please other people. The fact that you lasted that long is an accomplishment. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. We should never try to be someone else. Be happy doing what you do best.

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  22. I was really happy when you said you were going to start Vlogust because it meant that I'd get to watch a video of your's eveery day - and I love your videos! So I'm really sorry that youb didn't feel you could continue. I completely agree with what you said, daily vlogging must take up so much time, and considering you have a full time job as well as making high quality Youtube videos, it must have been too much to cope with. You're also still so young and want to go out and have fun with your friends, like we saw in the vlogs! Don't put yourself under too much pressure, just try to enjoy Youtube and blogging, and only do so much that you still love it. Any hate comments should be completely disregarded - your true subscribers know how lovely and kind you are! Stay happy :)

    ellenunderwater.blogspot.co.uk

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